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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771214">maybe the night (holds a little hope for us, dear)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/notkellymarie/pseuds/notkellymarie'>notkellymarie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - New Girl Fusion, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, If You Squint - Freeform, Inspired by New Girl (TV 2011), Light Angst, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Not Beta Read, Or Is It?, Past Relationship(s), Past Rey/Dopheld Mitaka, Pining, Rey is Nick, There's A Good Reason I Swear, Unrequited Love, Weddings, ben is jess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:21:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,044</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27771214</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/notkellymarie/pseuds/notkellymarie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The inhabitants of The Loft have been invited to a college friend's wedding and Rey's ex-boyfriend will be in attendance. Wanting to avoid an interaction with him due to a messy break-up, she hopes bringing along a plus one will do the trick.</p><p>Luckily, her friend Ben Solo from 4C is a trooper.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Who's that ship? It's Reylo!</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>baby's first modern AU and first multi-chap (solely because it didn't feel right dumping 10k in one chapter)--this <em>really</em> got away from me, y'all. i love New Girl a whole lot, and while this barely resembles the show, i threw in some stuff i hope you folks will appreciate! cheers!</p><p>fic extremely loosely based on S01E03, Wedding</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Plans are put into motion.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It is a fine Saturday afternoon, and Rey Johnson is tearing into a three-deli meat, four-cheese croissant monstrosity like it’s nobody’s business.</p>
<p>“Look, I’m telling you, it’s fool-proof.”</p>
<p>Poe looks at her in mild disgust from across the breakfast counter, gesturing at his chest with an open hand. “You’re getting ham all over.”</p>
<p>“Oh shit, thanks,” she says, plucking the errant piece of ham and putting it into her mouth, earning another look from Poe. “What?”</p>
<p>Finn walks into the kitchen, patting down his baby blue suit jacket. “How are you not done with this sandwich? We’re going to be late, and you know I don’t like being late to things.”</p>
<p>“This is a <em>croissandwich</em>, Finn, have some respect. Also, Ben’s not here yet,” Rey says emphatically, taking another bite.</p>
<p>Finn shrugs. “He probably changed his mind, which would make him smarter than I would usually give him credit for.” He whirls around and points a finger at Poe. “You’re a groomsman. Why are you still here?”</p>
<p>“Well, see, Rey was just telling me about what a great idea this thing with Ben is, and I really just can’t miss it,” Poe grins, resting his chin on two hands. “Regale us again with the plan, if you would.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----</p>
<p>
  <em>Five days ago</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ben leans back on the couch, stretching his long limbs. Wincing, he pinches his legs to stimulate the circulation as Rey slides off the couch to turn the DVD player off. Suspiria was almost three hours long, and for the most part horror isn’t really his genre but it was Rey’s turn to pick, so who was he to say no? Maybe he’ll finally make her watch The Lord of the Rings. Extended edition. He’s sure she’ll love it.</p>
<p>“There’s a new shawarma place on H. We can go get some on Saturday, if you’re not working.”</p>
<p>“Can’t, Snap’s wedding is on Saturday,” Rey answers absentmindedly, putting the disc back in its case. </p>
<p>“Snap’s that guy from...college? The one who’s really good at keg stands, right?”</p>
<p>Suddenly, she looks up, eyes widening. “Snap’s wedding is on Saturday.”</p>
<p>“I get it. You’re not available,” he chuckles, then falls quiet as he registers the vacant look on his friend’s face. “Rey?”</p>
<p>She stares at the static on the TV, unmoving as the fuzzy dots on the screen shifted and jumped around, with neither pattern nor purpose.</p>
<p>“Rey?” Ben repeats, gently placing his hand on her shoulder and withdrawing when she startles.</p>
<p>“Oh God, sorry. I just…,” she says, grimacing. “I still don’t have a date.”</p>
<p>“You’re not going with Finn and Poe?”</p>
<p>“I am, but…” she trails off, suddenly embarrassed. “My ex is gonna be there.”</p>
<p>“Ah.”</p>
<p>“It’s not like I’m gonna get back with him!” she says defensively, looking up for a moment. “I’m just afraid it’s going to be awkward, what with me being single ever since… you know.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to explain anything to me if you don’t want to.” He holds his hands up in a conciliatory gesture but he feels a pang in his chest watching her hug her knees as if she’s trying to disappear within herself.</p>
<p>“You could come with me,” she says in a small voice. “As a date. Like a fake boyfriend.” It sounds like a question and a plea in equal measure. </p>
<p>The word nearly knocks the breath out of him, a deep and buried feeling hidden in his heart glowing like an ember exposed to a gentle breath.  </p>
<p>“I--Rey--,” he hesitates.</p>
<p>“Please?” </p>
<p>“You know I’m not good with parties. I’m not gonna know anyone there.” He sets his jaw and intentionally avoids looking at her. </p>
<p>“Finn and Poe are gonna be there! And I won’t leave you by yourself.”</p>
<p>“Rey...”</p>
<p>“Please, Ben?”</p>
<p>The apartment is quiet, but outside the shrill siren of an emergency vehicle rings, the loud wailing matching the volume of his own heartbeat in his ears. He looks at her, and he knows he can’t refuse. The ember ignites, a flame small but true.</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Poe gives an amused hum. “Remind me what he gets out of this again?”</p>
<p>“He gets to pick what we’ll watch for the next four movie nights.”</p>
<p>“Good, maybe I’ll finally make time to go to movie night again now that I know you won’t be picking horror movies for a while,” Finn says, leaning over the counter to steal chips off of her plate and earning himself a swat on the shoulder. “Where <em>is </em>he?”</p>
<p>As if summoned by the question, a series of knocks echoes in the hall. Jumping out of her seat, Rey puts on an expression of mock outrage and flings the door, ready to scold Ben for his tardiness but instead she says nothing, momentarily stunned by the man standing before her. </p>
<p>Benjamin Solo has always been a big man, and she knows from the henleys he likes to wear that he clearly works out, but well, she didn’t know just how nicely he fills out a tailored suit. He’s wearing black on black on black, which Rey would normally tease him for (<em>“You’re the neighborhood goth!</em>”) but with the way it hugs his broad shoulders and wide chest, she really can’t find it in herself to complain. Very nicely, indeed. His hair is slicked back too, which is a departure from his regular style but it’s perfectly tousled and looking soft as ever.</p>
<p>His brows furrow into a frown. “Is that what you’re wearing?”</p>
<p>It takes a second for Rey’s brain to catch up to his comment, preoccupied by the way his bicep flexes underneath the dark fabric as he buttons his cuff. </p>
<p>“Oh,” Rey looks down at her bright red snuggie. “No. I wore this so I don’t get crumbs all over my dress. Gimme a sec,” she says, shedding the fluffy backwards-robe as Ben follows her into the kitchen. </p>
<p>He raises his hand to greet Poe and Finn, who are both sporting shit-eating grins, then turns to Rey just in time to see her make a slight ta-da motion. </p>
<p>She’d splurged to buy an emerald green tea-length satin dress, off-shoulder and cut low on the back, the skirt accentuating her figure. It’s plain, but far nicer than anything she’s ever owned, and most importantly, she feels powerful while wearing it. Unstoppable. Lord knows she needs that strength tonight.</p>
<p>Ben blinks. Multiple times. “Wow. I mean. I--” He coughs. </p>
<p>Her smile falters. “That bad?” </p>
<p>“No, no--” he half-yells, with a vehemence that surprises her. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and when he opens his eyes again his gaze is extraordinarily soft in a way that both confuses her and stirs something in her. “You look beautiful.” </p>
<p>The back of her neck feels warm, a prickly but not uncomfortable sensation that makes her want to rub it. “Thank you,” she answers, suddenly feeling shy. The warmth slowly spreads down to the tips of her fingers and her toes, but her hands stay where they were.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Benjamin is in pain. </p>
<p>It’s the physical pain of having had to fold his whole body into the one taxi Poe insisted they all share, but also the mental anguish of having one of his most secret wishes granted, but only for tonight and only for show. He tries to recall if he has anything in his house that might resemble a monkey’s paw because, surely, he must be cursed. </p>
<p>Poe made a break for it as soon as they stepped out of the cab to join the rest of the wedding party, with loud shoo-ing away from the rest of the group. Someone calls out to Finn, and after giving Rey a kiss on the cheek and Ben a quick “Good luck,” he also peels away. Reality sets in as Ben realizes that he and Rey are alone and that they’re supposed to be a <em>couple </em>in an intimate and loving relationship when they’re really not and what if he can’t do it and he messes up and she ends up hating him, but then he feels a small hand on his chest and his mind instantly quiets. Rey is fiddling with his tie.</p>
<p>“It got crooked.”</p>
<p>“Oh. Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Do you think I’m wearing too much makeup? I’m not really used to doing a full face by myself so I was following this tutorial on Youtube and I’m not really sure if I’ve overdone it or not,” she rambles, still set on fixing his tie, but he knows she’s as nervous as he is. Maybe even more, because he knows more than anyone that one’s past is terribly hard to contend with.</p>
<p>He uses a finger to tilt her face up to him, and he gently picks at a piece of flaky pastry hiding in her elegantly pinned wavy bob. “Your freckles are still in perfect view, which means you haven’t overdone it.”</p>
<p>She snorts. “Didn’t know you were such a big fan of freckles,” she mumbles, giving his tie one last tug. “There. Ready?”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m now in a presentable state, and I’ve checked that there’s no more baked goods hiding in your hair.”</p>
<p>Rey slips her hand on the crook of his elbow, and she looks at him with eyes shining with mischief. He nods at the man waiting by the door, signaling the porter to pull on the double doors. As they cross the threshold of the building together, this magnificent creature currently attached to his side squeezes his arm.</p>
<p>“Showtime.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i feel like my writing here is different from my canonverse works, but i hope you stick with me anyway!</p>
<p>title is from one of my favorite opm songs, <a href="https://youtu.be/hJhVURhdLEg">maybe the night</a> by ben&amp;ben, which i recommend listening to on the last chapter of this fic :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A Wild Ex(TM) Appears!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>People always say you gotta fake it til you make it, so Rey is trying her hardest to project confidence. She doesn’t know exactly how she feels. Excited to reconnect with old friends, yes. Too busy with work nowadays, she doesn’t get to socialize much outside of her small circle consisting of Finn and Poe (who she lives with), Ben, and occasionally Rose or Kaydel when they’re in town. She’s nervous to see people, too--specifically the one guy. They only dated for a year but it was pleasant while it lasted, except for the part where she pathetically tried to hold on to him as the relationship was falling apart. He was meek in a dorky sort of way but he was nicer than most of the other guys she went out with, and somehow near the end she’d convinced herself that he’s The One. And it devastated her to be the one who was, once again, left behind. People were always leaving her.  </p><p>Ben’s voice breaks through her reverie. “You okay?” He’s looking at her with such concern she feels a little guilty for making him worry when she’s the one who dragged him here. She straightens her back, shaking off the memory.</p><p>“Yeah, might need a drink though.” </p><p>He raises an eyebrow. “Already?”</p><p>“I didn’t pre-game,” she laughs. “Something to dislodge this croissandwich from my throat and something for the nerves would be good.”</p><p>Ben, the absolute gift that he is, volunteers to go to the bar to grab a couple of drinks for them, and Rey takes the time to look around the beautiful, large banquet hall. One side is set-up with white and copper chairs, and on the floor at the end of each row, evergreen wreaths with presumably fake candles along the aisle. The white runner is pre-strewn with flower petals of differing shades of orange, and the twisted copper arch on the slightly elevated platform where the couple and the officiant will be standing features crawling verdant vines, little white blossoms, and butterflyweed. The other side of the hall is the reception space, with round tables topped with geometric terrariums and glass vases overflowing with intricate arrangements of orange poppies, ranunculi, and carnations sitting on a large disc with a mirrored surface. Large drapes hang from the ceiling, lit up with hundreds of fairy lights. It’s an elegant affair, one that Rey is sure cost a lot of money.</p><p>“Hi, Rey.” </p><p>Somewhere to her left side a voice she hasn’t heard in years calls out. Maybe she has a knack for summoning people just by thinking about them? Pasting a smile on her face, she turns to the speaker.</p><p>“Hey, Doph.”</p><p>Dopheld Mitaka is standing in front of her in a dark gray suit jacket and a blush pink tie, grinning. Rey is struck by the fact that her first thought upon laying eyes on him after all this time was that he looks older. He doesn’t look better or worse, just older. It’s only been seven years since the last time they’d seen each other but she wonders if he also thinks the same of her, if the time they’d spent apart is etched upon her face. </p><p>“It’s been a while.”</p><p>“Yeah, it has.” She looks down at her nails, willing herself not to pick on the skin around the nice manicure she got. It would be nice to have had a drink by now, she thinks. </p><p>“You look good. How’ve you… been…” he trails off, suddenly focusing on something behind her, his eyes moving upwards to track something big.</p><p>Just as she’s about to turn to see what he’s looking at, Rey feels a large hand settle on the small of her back. Ben is at her side, looking down at her, smiling, and in his other hand are two flutes of champagne.</p><p>There’s something different about him. His eyes look a bit darker, she thinks. He seems larger, too. Even larger now, as he dips his head close to her face to softly speak to her, “Can you hold these for a minute, my love?”</p><p><em>My love.</em> The use of the pet name takes her aback for a second but she recovers smoothly, beaming at Ben and taking a glass in each hand. She tries not to think about how small they looked in his palm. Two slender glasses in just one humongous palm.</p><p>Ben leans forward to extend his now-free hand to the man who Rey had forgotten is still standing in front of them. “Hey man, I’m Ben,” he says, sliding the warm hand resting on Rey’s back to her waist to pull her closer. “I’m her boyfriend.”</p><p>“Oh, hi!” The man reaches for Ben’s hand and shakes it. “I’m Dopheld.” </p><p>“Sorry, Duffel?” </p><p>Rey looks up at Ben in surprise but only finds genuine confusion on his face. </p><p>“Dolphin? Am I saying that right?” </p><p>“Dopheld--”</p><p>Ben releases Dopheld’s hand quickly and turns to Rey. “Dolphy, isn’t my girl such a catch? Look at her.” He tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear. “How did I get so lucky?”</p><p>Rey almost gasps at the tenderness of the act. At the most she expected Ben’s massive figure to do most of the work in terms of warding off the ex, coupled with the comfortable dynamic of her and Ben’s friendship. But this Ben--suave Ben--she hasn’t seen much of him before, and she’s in awe of how unexpectedly good he is at this.</p><p>“Anyway, we better get to our seats,” Ben takes a flute from Rey and turns to Dopheld. “Nothing like watching a wedding with the love of your life!” Draining the glass, he starts to lead her to the ceremony space, leaving the other man with a bewildered look on his face.</p><p>Ben raises a hand without looking back. “Nice to meet you, Dobby!”</p><p>Rey walks dutifully with Ben, waiting until they’re seated to let out the laugh that’s been bubbling inside her for the past five minutes. </p><p>“Oh my God, Ben! You did so well!” She grins, sneaking a look over Ben’s shoulder to check if Dopheld was still there. He was standing so still with the same perplexed expression on his face that for a moment he reminded her of those living statues entertaining people in the cities, then he shakes his head, remembering himself, and he walks away.</p><p>Ben shifts a little, blocking her view. “Are you still looking at him?”</p><p>“No, I’m just…” It’s not important now. She turns her attention to Ben. “Where did you learn to act like that? Are you secretly in community theater or something?”</p><p>“Acting,” he snorts. “Wait a minute, you think I’m good at acting but only community theater-good?” He huffs, turning away in mock indignance. </p><p>Rey leans over and dramatically cradles both of Ben’s cheeks, forcing him to look at her. “First of all, community theater actors are fantastic actors. And second, Benjamin Solo, you could walk the red carpet at the Oscars, and you will look right at home.”</p><p>The tips of his ears peeking out from underneath his hair turn a nice shade of red, but he gives her a full toothy smile all the same. “Maybe one day I’ll bring you, if you asked nicely.”</p><p>It’s quite the mental image, to be walking on a crowded carpet surrounded by famous celebrities and adoring fans with Ben at her side. Impossible, seeing as neither of them are actors, but it’s a delightful thought anyway. She leans back on her seat, amused, then she nudges Ben’s shoulder conspiratorially with her own as the cellist begins to play a processional song, exes and awkward reunions already forgotten.</p><p>“That sounds like a promise.”</p><p> </p><p>------</p><p> </p><p>The ceremony went just as well as weddings can be expected to go--a beautiful bride; a teary, awestruck groom; the flower girl and the ring bearer getting lost in the middle of the aisle and having to be coaxed forward; self-written vows that went for a little too long but nonetheless left most of the crowd sniffling; the big, official kiss. </p><p>The transition to reception was also pretty seamless, given that it was only a hop and a skip to the reception space, and the hors d’oeuvres a-plenty and aperitifs overflowing. There were definitely people already tipsy by the time the wedding party rolled in but because nobody was inappropriately drunk, the general gaiety and loud cheers only added to the merry atmosphere in the room even during the very emotional maid-of-honor speech and the best man speech, which started with a joke that tanked but was thankfully salvaged into a heartwarming declaration of brotherly affection. At some point a buffet table full of all sorts of gourmet offerings was laid out, and as Rey bites into a perfectly seared scallop she makes a mental note to thank Snap for inviting her because the only thing better than free food is indulgent, high quality food that she would never purchase for herself on the regular served up to her at no cost. </p><p>Everyone is having such a grand time, even Ben looks like he’s enjoying himself. Not that he was tense or awkward, but Rey can tell by the way his shoulders are set that he’s comfortable. She knew she was being selfish by asking him to come to the party knowing that he’s not the sociable type but when the thought came to her to ask him, she knew that there was no one else who could possibly fill the role. He is, after all, one of the few people she trusted the most in the world. So she’s glad to see him genuinely relaxed, clapping with the crowd, and glancing at her with a smile every so often--overall in a good mood. </p><p>It took them a bit of planning, but they soon managed to figure out how to monitor The Ex’s location, finding ways to maneuver around the banquet hall so that they don’t run into him. They’ve also settled into a groove with their “relationship;” the casual touches and pet names took a bit of getting used to, with plenty of giggling and check-ins, but they’ve become more comfortable with sprinkling it in throughout the evening. All this to say that they haven’t really run into major complications, save for an eager guest or two who were obviously taken with Ben. Rey supposes it’s only natural, since he’s an imposing figure, his height and build making him quite literally hard to ignore. That fact that he’s also attractive, in that unconventional way that makes him stand out in a sea of men in tailored suits, certainly did not hurt.</p><p>Most times he handles it well, smoothly grabbing Rey’s hand with a “My girlfriend went to college with the groom,” if she’s close, and if she’s not, he’s tall enough to spot her in the crowd to give her a wink. (She’d asked him what he says to them, and he answered with, “I tell them I’m already here with the most beautiful woman in the world, then I look at you so they’d know.” She smacked him on the back for trying to get a rise out of her, expecting him to laugh, but instead he just <em>gazed</em> at her in that thoughtful way he does, like he knows something she doesn’t. <em>Insufferable git</em>.)</p><p>But she immediately knew something was wrong when she comes out of the ladies’ room and finds him backed nearly all the way onto a wall by three women. Even from a distance, she can see his discomfort radiating in waves off of his body, the smile directed at the women polite but forced--and she can tell because his lips are pulled into a tight line and his eyes didn’t crinkle at the corners, not the way it usually does when he tries hard not to laugh at one of Poe’s corny jokes or when Finn starts belting out Broadway songs when he gets drunk, not in the way she likes. And so she swoops in to his side, interlacing her fingers with his and sweetly thanking the girls for keeping him company while he waited for her.</p><p>Ben whispers a low “Thank you” in her ear as they walk on, making her shiver unexpectedly. In surprise, Rey whirls around to face him, a little too quickly, but Ben catches her around the waist, freeing her hands to come around his neck. Out of her peripheral vision, Rey could see the women still hovering, pretending not to look interested but their covert glances giving them away. She can’t believe it--he’s taken, but they’re really still trying to get with him in front of her! Annoyance starts to flare in her temples, and she decides to put an end to this circus.</p><p>“Quick peck on the lips, come on.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes are bugging out. “What?”</p><p>“Those ladies are not gonna leave you alone unless you prove that you’re taken.”</p><p>He looks down at the very scant space in between them. “Uh, they can probably tell we’re together.”</p><p>“Do you want to get stalked by other women all night?” Why is he being so stubborn? He seemed uncomfortable before, unless… She leans in a hair closer, and in a low furtive voice, she says, “Wait, was there someone there you were attracted to? Am I cramping your style?”</p><p>“I don’t, just….” He huffs, looking away. Then mumbling, “Not like this--”</p><p>This is taking too long<em>.</em> “Ben, I know you don’t want to kiss me for real--</p><p>He cuts her off, leaning in and pressing a small kiss to the side of her mouth, so light and so quick that Rey isn’t even truly sure it happened. Slowly releasing his grip on her waist, he lowers her from her tiptoes to the ground and excuses himself to the men’s room.</p><p>The women have dispersed, seemingly convinced by the display, which must have looked different from where they were standing. The kiss was extremely chaste, if it could even be called a kiss in the first place. It was barely a brush of his plush lips on the corner of hers, but Rey couldn’t help raising her fingers to her face, tracing where a tingling sensation had bloomed.</p><p>‘<em>Not like this</em>,’ he said. She wonders what he could’ve meant by it.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Ben leans on the wall farthest from the urinals, sighing. Thank God for these bougie, unnecessarily large bathrooms. He stares at his hands, marveling at how it got easier and easier to touch her as the night wore on. </p><p>It’s not that he’d never touched her before--they’re used to hugging as a way of greeting, or a playful swat, but he’s purposely held back all this time. Because casual touch between friends is one thing, but the romantic kind, contact that suggests intimacy and a closeness that he could only dream of… there’s no way she could’ve known. She had given him permission to act as what would feel natural depending on the situation but he’s sure she doesn’t know how she feels about her, or else she wouldn’t have let him pretend. </p><p>So he rations it, doles it out little by little: a hand on her back, a brush of his pinky finger as he passes her her clutch, a gentle squeeze when her hand is engulfed in his. He allows himself to show her the affection in the way he’d always wanted to, but nothing too big or too obvious, because he knows he couldn’t betray the trust she had in him. Most of all, he knows that losing himself in the fantasy would be dangerous--his feelings for her is a blaze and he is a moth, and he’ll gladly let himself be consumed by her.</p><p>Then she had asked for a kiss. A fake kiss, but a kiss nonetheless.</p><p>“Hellooooo? Ben?” He hadn’t noticed Finn standing in front of him, waving a hand in front of his face. “Ben. You’re really weirding me out here, man.”</p><p>Poe walks in, stopping when he sees the two off to the side. “Wait, are you guys having a secret meeting? Without me?”</p><p>“It’s not a meeting,” Ben says, exasperated.</p><p>“Well, it is now!” Finn sets his arms akimbo and turns to Poe. “You find Kay?”</p><p>“Kay and I were literally at the same table. If you want to ask about Rose, just ask. You know she actually li--”</p><p>Finn lifts a finger to shush him. “Don’t start.” Deciding against asking Poe more questions, he turns to the other man. “How are you holding up, Ben?”</p><p>An image of him leaning forward to kiss Rey flashes in his mind. “Good, good. Good.” His face feels like it’s burning up, and he knows he’s blushing furiously. Mercifully, Finn doesn’t comment on it.</p><p>Poe, oblivious to it all, punches him on the shoulder lightly.</p><p>“It’s probably been tough not knowing folks but we’re glad you’re here, Ben. We told her she didn’t need to go, but I really think you being here with her helped.”</p><p>“That’s nice, but you don’t have to say stuff like that. I’m basically a cardboard cutout.”</p><p>“I’m not kidding! I mean, this whole week she seemed on edge and anxious about running into good ‘ol Doph, and now they’re chatting and she seems totally comfortable--”</p><p>Ben looks up in surprise. He thinks he hears Finn’s voice say, “They’re together right now?” but he can’t be certain, what with the sound of his blood rushing in his ears.</p><p>“They are, but like I said: I think it’s gonna be fine.” Poe gives Finn a look that seems to placate him, but Ben can neither decipher the expression nor does he have the inclination to. He had one job, and he couldn’t even do it right.</p><p>Finn claps him on the shoulder.</p><p>“Hey, Ben? Rey is here with you tonight. Don’t forget that.”</p><p>He’s not sure that means anything anymore. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thank you so much to <a href="https://twitter.com/gwendy85">@gwendy85</a> on twitter, talented artist and A++ human being, for making art of suave ben as part of her commissions in exchange for donations benefitting those affected by typhoon ulysses in the philippines. her requests are currently closed, but the donation drives are ongoing! a list of orgs you can help out can be found on her thread <a href="https://twitter.com/gwendy85/status/1327436340661653504">here</a>.</p><p>if you haven't figured it out yet, the sole reason mitaka is in here is because of his name that could sound like many things. having an unusual name myself, i don't usually enjoy name gags, BUT this is also a direct reference to the new girl episode this fic is inspired by. (sorry, mitaka!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Feelings are reckoned with.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>a reminder: it's in the tags, but as established, rey used to be in a relationship with mitaka and they talk about the fallout with a bit more detail here.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>He takes a seat at the bar, chewing on his lip. He doesn’t even know why Finn and Poe are being so kind to him about this. It’s all fake anyway. It doesn’t matter if his heart clenched painfully at the thought of having to see Rey being with another man; it doesn’t matter that his hand is currently itching to touch her--this is his problem, not Rey’s. She’s free to do as she pleased. But still it was better when he didn’t know what it actually felt like to be hers--to be introduced as her partner, to be able to hold her hand whenever he liked, to be the one she sought out at every turn. Even though it’s only pretend.</p><p>This is a place he didn't like to tread in, not since she had come literally barreling into his life the day she moved in next door and almost rammed a computer chair into his chest, disturbing his peace and his heart.</p><p>He was the curmudgeonly neighbor, known to slam his fist on the adjoining wall between the units when the volume of whatever dance music they have on started causing the framed degrees in his office to shake. He was the grouch who only ever grunted in response to a bright greeting; the jerk who didn’t want to share two measly cups of sugar and, instead of just explaining that he was out and needed to get some more, decided that he’ll just make a snide comment about <em>“What kind of child couldn’t go a day without dessert anyway?</em>” He was the asshole who merely kept staring as she turned red as a tomato, marveling instead at how it brings out the hazel in her eyes, even as she trembled with...fury, he thought, given that she was yelling, <em>“I can’t believe that you wake up every morning and choose to be a miserable bastard!”</em> in his face. Fury, definitely. </p><p>Then he was 4C, who, deep-saddled with remorse and shame, left a 10 lb bag of sugar outside their door along with a selection of mini-cakes and cute pastries from an upscale bakery downtown and a simple note that only said <em>“Sorry.”</em> in deep blue ink and precise handwriting. 4C, who had found a party hat and a little plastic box of delicately frosted earl grey and lemon cream cupcake outside of <em>his </em>door with a scribbled <em>“Maybe you can come to my next birthday party. If you’re nice. P.S. I promise there’s nothing wrong with this cupcake. P.P.S. The dulce de leche beignet is out of this world. Thank you.”</em> on a light blue post-it on it the next day. </p><p>Then he was Ben, the laconic guy next door who had run into his three neighbors at a bar and was persuaded into sharing a table with them. Ben, who--buoyed by the most pleasant social outing he’s had in months--had generously paid all of their tabs, earning a raucous outburst of praise from the table, a couple of slaps on the back, and a glorious smile from her. Belatedly, he realized that as beautiful as she is when she’s upset, he only ever wants to see her smile at him. It took time for him to learn, but for her, the girl who had jump-started his sleeping heart, he learned. Ben, an occasional but always welcome presence in the Loft, the once-reluctant host of movie nights, reigning champion of True Alderaanian.</p><p>But still he contented himself with her friendship, schooling his impulses and desires. Never pushing, satisfied with being allowed to exist in her orbit.</p><p>And even after he’d draped blankets ever so carefully over the furniture, protecting them from the elements, here she is again, kicking up the dust. Making him want things he can’t have.</p><p>Now he’s nursing a brandy, helpless, as he tries not to watch Rey pleasantly carrying on with the ex-boyfriend she’s supposed to be avoiding, laughing in that radiant way she does, with her dimples in full display.</p><p>It’s not her fault she doesn’t love him that way. He couldn’t bring himself to get mad at him either, because if he was in Dopheld’s position--if he knew there was a chance she loved him back--he’d absolutely take it. <br/><br/></p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>A short woman with round cheeks and a killer smoky-eye hops up on the stool next to him and orders a bright yellow cocktail. Turning to Ben, she cocks her thumb to the general direction of the dance floor.</p><p>“I take it you came with those children?”</p><p>Ben turns in his seat to see Poe and Finn tearing it up on the dance floor. He supposes he's gotta hand it to them: they’re working up a crowd. Poe and Finn are actually pretty good dancers--it’s Rey who’s a little more deficient in that area, preferring the chicken dance as her signature move--and they’re definitely not lacking in zeal.</p><p>“Do I have to say yes?” he says with a grimace.</p><p>She laughs and extends a hand. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced. I’m Rose. Went to college with some of the folks here, including those guys. ”</p><p>He shakes her hand, vaguely remembering her name being mentioned in stories, but he’d never actually seen her around. “Hi, I’m Ben.”</p><p>“Are you Rey’s date?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m her, uh, boyfriend.” He picks up his glass, swishing around the brandy, stealing another glance at Rey. She’s looking more thoughtful now, listening intently to Dopheld, and he tamps down the desire to try and steal her away, especially since she doesn’t seem to be in distress at all. Better to let them sort it out, he thinks, regardless of the result.</p><p>Rose lights up, excited. “Isn’t she just the best? You know we used to call her Rey of Sunshine? You know, because she can brighten up a room with a smile but also because if you mess with her friends and make her angry, it’s like having the heat of a thousand suns directed at you. Hell of a temper.”</p><p><em>That</em> makes him grin. “I like that about her. She’s kind and compassionate but she never takes shit from anybody, not even from the grumpiest bastard around.”</p><p>“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience. Would that be you?”</p><p>“Maybe.” </p><p>Rose takes a sip from her cocktail, contemplating something. “Hey, how come I’ve never heard of you? New relationship?” She lowers her voice and leans towards Ben a little. “Secret relationship?” </p><p> </p><p>He cringes inwardly. He’d only met her, but he thinks he quite likes Rose and doesn’t want to lie to her. So he chooses his words:</p><p>“It’s, uh, new.” <em>A week old, really.</em> </p><p>“And Rey and I didn’t exactly start off on the right foot, so I’m not surprised she’s not shouting about it to everyone.” <em>Technically not lying. </em></p><p>“I was a real asshole when we first met.” <em>Definitely the truth.</em></p><p> </p><p>“I suppose her beautiful love healed you?”</p><p>“No, I’m still an asshole,” he chuckles, then pensively stares at his glass. “But something about her makes me want to be a better person.”</p><p>Rose stares at him for a moment, then clinks her glass with his. “To growth and true love.”</p><p>“True love,” he repeats softly and drains his glass.</p><p>Rose follows suit with her drink and slides down the stool, and a thought occurs to Ben. “Hey, how come I’ve never seen you around the loft?”</p><p>“Ah, that. Finnegan is avoiding me so I’m trying to respect his wishes.” She waves at someone behind Ben.</p><p>Ben swivels his head to look at Finn, who has spotted them from across the room and is currently furiously mouthing a word at him. <em>TRAITOR. </em> “What did I do?” Dumbfounded, he turns to Rose, who is guffawing quite inelegantly. “What did <em>you</em> do?”</p><p>She gives him a wink as she walks away. “A story for another day, Benji!” </p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Rey was having no luck trying to find Finn and Poe after Ben had gone to the bathroom, so of course the universe arranges for her to bump into Dopheld instead, who takes the chance to continue the catch-up session he was trying to have with her before the ceremony began. Rey, finding no other option, decides to just go for it.</p><p>The exchange was clunky at first, with a lot of close-ended questions and stilted answers but as two people with history often find out, it’s not hard to fall back into the normal dynamic they used to have. The past and all the baggage that comes with it sits on the roof of Rey’s mouth like stodgy peanut butter but it was all too easy to laugh with Dopheld again as they discussed the venue and the ceremony and the reception, trading old inside jokes and reminiscing about college and their friends, while skirting around their own shared past. </p><p>At some point Ben tried to rescue her and she had waved him off, willing herself not to dwell on the puppy dog eyes he had on when she’d told him she’d stay for a little longer. He returned a few moments later, gently kissing the top of her head while silently sliding a plate of dessert in front of her. </p><p>After a while, the dialogue starts to slow down, having exhausted other topics to discuss, trudging as it approaches the inevitable destination of this entire conversation.</p><p>“So...Ben?”</p><p>Rey thinks of the brush of his lips on her hair and smiles. “Ah, yeah.” </p><p>“He seems like a great guy. Bad with names though, huh?” Dopheld teases.</p><p>“Sorry about that,” she says, giggling. “He really is great, though.”</p><p>“He’s very... big.”</p><p>“Massive, right? I still always feel like a hobbit standing next to him.” </p><p>“I think I got a cramp on my neck from how far I had to tilt my head to look at him.”</p><p>They both burst into laughter, and Rey feels her heart squeeze with fondness for Ben as she swipes a finger under her eye to make sure her mascara hasn’t smudged.</p><p>“How long have you two been together?”</p><p>“Six months.” That’s not technically a lie; they’re not <em>together </em>together, but it’s been that long since he started accepting the invitations to hang out with them. </p><p>Dopheld looks thoughtful all of a sudden, the mirth gone from his eyes. “He seems to adore you.”</p><p>Rey can feel her heartbeat speed up but she tries to keep things light. “Why wouldn’t he? I’m adorable.”</p><p>“You really are, you know?”</p><p>Her breath catches. A choice to make: she could avoid it as originally planned, part ways with Dopheld on a pleasant note, the trainwreck that is the end of their relationship forever a black hole in her mind that instantly sucks out the joy in any situation and makes everything that reminds her of that time in her life bitter. Or she could face it head on, tread on the shattered glass memories of the day he left, and be hurt again but maybe this time she’ll finally get some closure. Or maybe she won’t, and she’ll fall apart again once more, but then she thinks of eating pizza and drinking cheap beer with Finn and Poe at the loft, and her dress that makes her feel glamorous, and Ben’s large hand, warm and safe. This could end badly, but she’d come this far. Time to be brave.  </p><p>She looks down and fiddles with the napkin on her lap for a moment, then she looks up. “But that’s not enough, is it?”</p><p>Dopheld gives her a sad smile. “No, it’s not.”</p><p>She thinks of that last day, of her literally on her knees in front of him standing near the doorway of the flat she shared with Finn, begging him not to leave. She could barely see him anymore through the haze of tears but she knew she had to do everything to make him stay. She’d even clung to his pant legs, screaming, promising to be better. She remembered him talking in low, soothing tones, telling her everything will be alright but she knew it was a lie because if things were alright he wouldn’t be leaving. Why won’t they stay? Her parents didn’t stay. She wasn’t good enough then, maybe if she’s good enough now, maybe--maybe--</p><p>She lets out a breath. “Why didn’t it work out?” </p><p>He shakes his head, knowing the question hidden underneath the one she just asked. <em>What did I do wrong?</em> </p><p>“It’s not your fault. It took me a while to realize it’s not mine, either. I just don’t think we were right for each other.”</p><p>Whatever Rey thought he was going to say, this was not it. She looks at him, astonished. “You really think that?”</p><p>“Yeah. Remember, near the end, when we’d fight so much, but it was for the most inane things? We’d fight over, I dunno, parking spots. It wasn’t even for stuff that really mattered.” He sighs. “We weren’t passionate, we were just irritated. We were both deeply unhappy, and it broke me to see how hurt you were then. But even if I stayed, it still would’ve ended the same way. Only we’d be more miserable because we would’ve tried to stretch it out. Stretch ourselves out.”</p><p>He was right. She recalls always being in a dour mood at the time, but she’d chalked it up to being stressed about school and working two jobs. Maybe it was part of it. But he’d seen something she didn’t, something she was unwilling to acknowledge. More out of obligation, she presses, “We could’ve talked about it. Worked on it.”</p><p>“Maybe. But like I said, I was also deeply unhappy.”</p><p>She chews on her lip. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>They are quiet for a moment, letting the combined sounds of people talking and clinking glass and silverware and whatever booming dance music the DJ is currently playing wash over them. </p><p>She sighs. “You know I thought I’d be more angry at you than I am right now.”</p><p>“Are you? Angry?”</p><p>Rey considers the question. She’s retroactively embarrassed for her actions that day, and sad that that was the last image he’d had of her. Angry? Not really. Without realizing it, time has done a lot to polish the sharp edges of the memories, and it still hurts a little bit, but only in the way a scab that’s been picked at stings. A heavy weight has been lifted from her chest and she can breathe more freely than she’s been able to since the prospect of him possibly coming back into her life was introduced.</p><p>She smiles and shakes her head. “Not at all.” </p><p>He smiles in return, and the phone he’d left on the table lights up with a text message. He flips it, apologizing to Rey for the interruption, but she waves it off. She only had a quick peek but she noticed his lockscreen is a photo of him being kissed on the cheek by a man with light brown hair. </p><p>“You end up finding someone?”</p><p>He scratches under his jaw, suddenly blushing. “Yeah." He bites his lip, like he's trying hard to contain excitement that's threatening to burst out of him. "I’m proposing soon.”</p><p>Rey is…strangely happy for him. Jealous too, not because it wasn’t her, but because she also wants to know what it feels like to be completely, utterly certain about wanting to spend the rest of her life with someone. But regardless of the end, she and Dopheld shared many memories together, and she knows he’s a good man and deserves every bit of joy he’d found. She hopes she’ll find it for herself too. Someday.</p><p>“I’m happy for you. I am.”</p><p>He beams at her, and his phone lights up again, with a call this time. He moves to silence it, but Rey nods at him to take it. Getting up, he seems to remember something, and turns back to her once more.</p><p>“Rey, you’re a great person. You deserve more than just someone who thinks you’re adorable. It took me almost a year to really pin you down. That plate that Ben gave you is filled with all your favorite desserts, just how you liked them--look, he even made a little tower of the macaron fillings on the side--and it only took him six months.” He places a hand on hers. “I’m very happy for you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>Dopheld had come back after taking the call, wanting to say a proper goodbye to her, and after a bit more talking, he’d given her a big hug. One last time, like they should’ve done five years ago. She’d started tearing up a little but ever the gentleman, he offered her a napkin he was somehow carrying around, and she smiled, giving him back the words she’d refused to believe before. <em>“Everything is going to be fine.” “That’s right.”</em></p><p>She comes back to her seat at the assigned table with a cocktail, deciding to regroup emotionally before texting Ben to see where he went. The last time she saw him was after he’d given her a dessert plate and headed towards the bar, but he’s not there now.</p><p>She hears a loud “REY-REY!!!!!” before two girls descend on her to give her a bear hug. So much for regrouping emotionally, she thinks to herself, but she’s extremely pleased to see them anyway because she hadn’t had the chance to talk to Rose and Kaydel all night. Rose puts down the platter of fruits she’d brought to share and the ladies catch up a bit, snickering over Kay’s work stories and anecdotes about some of the groomsmen trying to hit on her and Rose’s exciting business trips-slash-vacations.</p><p>“Hey, where’s that sensual sequoia of a man you’ve been hanging around all night?” Kay suddenly asks, promptly making Rey choke on her drink.</p><p>Rose gives Rey firm pats on the back as she sputters. “He’s got a name, Kay. He’s Ben.”</p><p>Eyes watering, she coughs. “You met him?”</p><p>“Mmhmm. Finally got yourself a good one, huh?”</p><p>Rey frowns, dabbing the corners of her eyes with a napkin. “What’s wrong with my exes?”</p><p>“Well they wouldn’t be your exes if there wasn’t anything wrong with them.”</p><p>“They’re not all bad.” Rey doesn’t exactly know why she’s being defensive, considering that Rose has a point.</p><p>“Yeah, well, they’re not him.”</p><p>Whatever Ben said, it seems like he’d made quite the impression on her.</p><p>Kay clutches Rey’s arm. “He’s really hot, Rey.”</p><p>“Yeah, like half of the women here think so too.” She remembers the incident near the bathroom and the looks the women were giving Ben and how they were crowding him--ah, she’s getting annoyed again. </p><p>Kay hums. “Funny that you sound jealous, considering that you already bagged him.”</p><p>She snorts.“Okay Connix, pump the brakes. I’m not jealous.”</p><p>Rose pops a chocolate-covered strawberry in her mouth. “She’s right, Kay. She’s got no reason to be jealous at all, Ben’s one hundred percent devoted to her.”</p><p>“You got this from talking to him for, what, ten minutes?”</p><p>Rose rolls her eyes. “I’ve been watching these two dummies all night, and the way he looks at her? Solid proof.”</p><p>Now Rey’s curious. “How does he look at me?”</p><p>“Like you’re five seconds away from disappearing, and he’s trying to memorize every detail of your face.”</p><p>Kaydel claps her hands together and coos. “Oh my God, Rey, please keep him.”</p><p>Rose said it so casually, like it was the most natural thing in the world, but that’s because she doesn’t know the truth about her and Ben. Dopheld had said something about Ben too, but Rey attributed it to them being good friends. Maybe Ben was just more attentive than Dopheld had ever been. She suddenly feels like she should talk to Ben. About what, she’s not sure, but she’d been away from him for too long tonight and she just <em>needs</em> to talk to him. </p><p>She stands up. “I gotta go, you guys,” she says as she leaves, missing the knowing smirk Rose gives Kay.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Dots are connected.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as previously suggested, best enjoyed with <a href="https://youtu.be/hJhVURhdLEg">maybe the night</a> by ben&amp;ben playing in the background</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>Rey is having trouble finding Ben, and he isn’t answering his phone, making her panic and think that he’d left. After wandering for a bit, she parks herself in a corner and starts to dial Finn’s number. Maybe he’d know where Ben is. Or maybe Poe knows. He couldn’t have just left. </p>
<p>Two women walk past, one of them whining about something Rey wasn’t paying attention to, at least until she catches the words “hot man” and “very big.” It’s a bit of a leap but surely-- She catches up to the ladies and sheepishly asks if they were indeed referring to a man fitting Ben’s description. Luckily for Rey, they were. She makes her way to where the ladies said he was, maneuvering through the throng of guests still mingling in the hall. Sticking her head through the curtain, she peers into the box.</p>
<p>“Ben?”</p>
<p>He seems surprised to see her. “Oh, hey.”</p>
<p>“You’re hogging the photo booth.”</p>
<p>“Am I? No one’s using it.”</p>
<p>Rey opens the curtain wider for him to see the long line outside. Ben grimaces and tries to scrunch his head into his shoulders in embarrassment. Rey turns to the crowd. “Could you give us like ten minutes?” Some of the guests grumble, and she clicks her tongue in annoyance, “Take a damn selfie!” and she ducks inside the booth.</p>
<p>He’s pouting, looking contrite. “It’s not like anyone told me to leave.”</p>
<p>“Nevermind that.” She squeezes herself onto the seat beside him.</p>
<p>“Why are you hiding in here?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. It’s kind of comfortable in here.”</p>
<p>“You cannot be serious, you are way too big for this box.”</p>
<p>He shrugs, taking a sip from a glass bottle of water. “No one was in here, and you all were occupied so I thought I’d just find a quiet spot.” Putting his bottle back on the floor, he cranes his neck to try and see through the curtain if there’s still people outside. “Like I said, no one really asked me to leave.”</p>
<p>Now it’s Rey’s turn to be ashamed. “God, Ben, I am so sorry.”</p>
<p>“What for?”</p>
<p>“I left you by yourself when I promised you I wouldn’t.”</p>
<p>He nudges her shoulder with his. “I managed.” Then after a moment, “So you and Dopheld… you reconnected?”</p>
<p>She nudges him right back. “We talked. It’s funny because I was so scared that when I saw him again I’d just fall apart or beg him to take me back, because it ended so badly for me, you know? But now that I’ve spoken to him I realized that I was more in love with the idea of having a person than the person himself.” She sighs. “And all this time I was carrying this resentment and fear for no reason, just because I didn’t… I didn’t want to be left again.”</p>
<p>Ben nods and stares ahead. “When I was a kid, my parents were so busy with work all the time, so they were barely around. I just wanted to belong somewhere, and when I didn’t belong in the boarding school they placed me in, I fell in with a really bad crowd. It took me a long time to realize that my mom and my dad…they loved me the whole time, and I wished I knew earlier.”</p>
<p>Rey looks at him in wonder. Ben is the opposite of an open book, and although she’d gleaned from throwaway comments that his family history is fraught, she doesn’t know any specifics. She’s curious and wants to know more, but she’s grateful that he trusts her enough to share even just this much.</p>
<p>He continues. “And I’m sure you probably figured this out already but you <em>have </em>people. You’ve got great roommates who are, well, a handful, but they love you to pieces.” Shoulders hunched, he looks down and stares at the back of his hand. “And you have me, and that doesn’t count much for anything, but I’ll be here for as long as you need me.” He lets out a breath, then softly he says, “You’re not alone.” </p>
<p>She tilts her head towards him, peering at him so that their faces are level. “Ben, neither are you.”</p>
<p>He’s looking at her now, in that same way he looked at her in the kitchen this morning, like he’s wordlessly trying to communicate something to her, something he can’t--or won’t--say out loud. All at once, he looks <em>sad</em> and <em>desperate</em> and <em>hungry</em> and <em>hopeful</em>. Once again something stirs in her but this time she picks at it, pulling, thread by thread. Then it clicks in Rey’s mind, a final puzzle piece sliding into place, showing her the full picture. She gasps softly, seeing him in a different light--no, not different--he’s always been soft with her; teasing and sarcastic but always going along with her plans; always anticipating her needs; carrying a lot of anger about the world, like her, but willing to listen and apologize and grow, for her. She just wasn’t really <em>looking</em>. With this new understanding, the events of the entire evening come back to her with perfect clarity.</p>
<p>“Ben?”</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“Earlier, when you didn’t want to kiss me for show, you said something. What did you mean by it?”</p>
<p>He inhales unsteadily, slowly lowering his eyes to gaze at her lips, then back up. Heart in her throat, she nods gently, hoping that she interpreted his true feelings for her correctly. At this, he surges forward, slanting his head so he could capture her lips in his. One of his hands comes up to cradle her neck and jaw tenderly, thumb pressing down on her chin to make her mouth open wider as he slips his tongue in, and she moans, uncaring of the fact that there is only a curtain separating them from the guests outside. But Ben--good Ben, precious Ben who’s always cared for her, how did she not know--he swallows her pleasure and gives it right back, and she takes and takes and takes, and she <em>feels</em>. Ben is all soft lips and hard muscle, all featherlight caresses with his hand and rough strokes with his tongue. His fingers are too hot, branding her skin, and in her mind she pictures herself in front of her bathroom mirror in the morning, marked where he has touched her. Rey has been set ablaze, ignited with a spark from his lips and kindled by his mouth working against hers. Her brain screams at her to cling to him, to get as close to him as possible but as she moves a hand to grab the lapel of his jacket, he pulls back. The rush of air in her lungs and on her heated skin makes her shiver, and Ben lightly grazes the gooseflesh on her arm with the back of his index finger. With hooded eyes and bee-stung lips, he murmurs, his voice husky and even deeper than usual: </p>
<p>“I meant something like this.” </p>
<p>Before Rey knows it he is gone. Dazed, she looks around and sees her face reflected on the photobooth screen. Her hair is only slightly mussed but her pupils are blown wide, black as Ben’s hair, and her mouth is swollen and puffy, although her lipstick mercifully mostly stayed put, and she throws up a silent thank you to the makeup gods for their smudge-proof formulas. Her jaw bears no prints from Ben’s hand but she slowly runs her fingers over where they were, and she imagines feeling slight indentations there, like he’d marked her regardless. That space is his now, now that she knows how it feels to have his hands on her, and she wants more. Tears prick at the corner of her eyes at the realization. So much wasted time. That’s enough of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey finds him signing the guestbook, his massive form bent over the table where some of the more traditional guests had built a pile of wrapped presents. Quietly, she walks up to the gifts and starts inspecting the tags. Ben doesn’t register her presence for a solid minute, preoccupied with signing his message in impeccable calligraphy, but when he does he jumps slightly and there is something like worry in his eyes.</p>
<p>Rey continues to search for a specific tag. “I heard someone saying one of these boxes has a food processor in it.”</p>
<p>That wasn’t what he expected to hear, judging by the way his mouth opened and closed wordlessly. After a moment, “Why would you be interested in what’s in these?”</p>
<p>“Snap used to copy off of my exams. He’s an airline pilot now.” Found it. Rey coolly tucks the package under her arm and taps it. “I deserve this as repayment. You could argue that he became an airline pilot because of me.”</p>
<p>“Well now--that’s a bit of a stretch--”</p>
<p>She tips her chin up, a proud princess regarding her subjects. “This fancy-ass venue? The expensive champagne? That tower of macarons? He’s nothing without me.”</p>
<p>Ben is now grinning from ear to ear. “You know food processors are not that expensive, right? I’ll buy you one, just ask.</p>
<p>At this, Rey looks into his eyes. He’s still smiling but more guarded than he’s been all night, and she is afraid he’ll bolt, but she’d already spent so much time being oblivious and she won’t forgive herself if she messes this up now.</p>
<p>“What else would you do? If I asked.”</p>
<p>He’s not smiling now. She could tell he’s trying to make a decision from the way his jaw works, then he takes a step closer to her. “Anything. For you, anything.”</p>
<p>“In that case,” she closes the distance and interlaces her fingers with his. “I’m gonna need a refresher on that kiss.” Lifting their joined hands, she presses her lips to the back of his palm and peers up at him through her eyelashes. He looks like he’s about to cry. Her Ben. “Take me home tonight, Ben Solo.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>----</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finn and Poe can’t hear anything, being that they’re standing at quite a distance from the pair, but they’ve been observing the exchange since Rey happened to walk up to Ben before they could.</p>
<p>Finn folds his arms and leans slightly towards Poe when Rey takes Ben’s hand. “You think she finally figured it out?”</p>
<p>They watch silently as she kisses the hand she’s holding. Poe grins. “Oh yeah.”</p>
<p>“Are we sexiled?”</p>
<p>Poe lets out a breath. “Mmm, I think they’ll go back to Ben’s. But I’m not going home yet, anyway. Kay and I are going to an afterparty.”</p>
<p>“Uhhh, am I not invited?”</p>
<p>“Nope.”</p>
<p>He blinks in confusion. “Poe, come on.”</p>
<p>“Guess you just gotta find something else to do.” Poe claps Finn on the shoulder as a goodbye and continues in a singsong voice, “Something, someone. The night is young, Finnegan.”</p>
<p>Bewildered, Finn gapes open mouthed at Poe’s receding form, completely at a loss about his friend’s behavior. A feminine voice speaks immediately to his right, startling him.</p>
<p>“If you’ve got nowhere to be, maybe you’d like to get coffee with me?”</p>
<p>Rose has materialized beside him, looking even more radiant up close in her shimmery dark blue dress. Finn swallows, eyeing her with suspicion. They’re not exactly on good terms.</p>
<p>“Are you asking me out? Why would you ask me out?”</p>
<p>Rose rolls her eyes. “I’ve been trying to ask you out for five years, Finn.”</p>
<p>Well, this is news to him. “But the-- you--”</p>
<p>She turns her whole body to face him and holds his gaze. “Is that a yes or a no?”</p>
<p>“I…” His head is spinning. He doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, and he has too many questions...but what better time to ask it than now? Over coffee. With Rose. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Awesome.” Rose says, as she turns to look at Rey and Ben booking it to the door. Finn misses the couple’s departure. He’s too distracted by the fresh dusting of pink on Rose’s cheeks and the big, satisfied smile on her face. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>------</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It’s a beautiful night; the moon is full and hanging low, casting a light that makes the city seem brighter even with all the halogen light from the stores and lampposts; and Ben Solo is running through the streets of Coruscant hand-in-hand with the love of his life, with a wrapped gift box tucked under his arm. It’s a long way back to their building, and they’ll probably have to hail a cab sometime, but as he looks back at Rey, wearing his jacket, flushed from the cold but giggling in exhilaration, he decides that they’ll just have to take things one at a time. </p>
<p>Together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>rose and finn's backstory is purposefully left vague, so just fill in your headcanon as you like! i have my own, but it would be interesting to find out what other people think happened to them in college.</p>
<p>thank you so much for reading! i've written other things, like <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997761">explain the infinite</a> and <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22686922">like roses and clover</a>, which are both canonverse oneshots i'm very proud of; hope you enjoy them if you decide to check them out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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